Proper culprits

Stop blaming love.

When we are heartbroken, we aren't hurting because of love. We are hurting due to being rejected, abused, unappreciated, betrayed, etc. Give credit to the proper culprits...Love has shouldered the blame for far too long.

Disappointed hopes

He was, to me, the taunting line on the horizon: beckoning travelers forward, promising wonders untold, visions  unimagined and experiences unrealized.
Yet, just ever so out of reach.

Try as I might, his heart was securely ensconced between hurt and distrust; long ago, it was locked away and the key disposed of.

Appreciation

We took everything the other dished out, ugly, grotesque and monstrous, and dared to love each other because of, in spite of those things.

Coping

How do I cope with all of the ugly in the world? The same way that I handle the beauty:

With soul music, wild dancing, awesome movies, wicked art and profound books; great conversations with good people, big hugs from loved ones, deep kisses from my sweetheart, all while consciously trying to remember to never let go of God's hand.

Absence

In moments of immense joy or severe sorrow there comes a moment when you are surrounded by the intense vibrations of the emotion. You are encased in the frequency and experience the truth of absence; a complete relief that accompanies desensitization.

You are weightless. Your spirit floats in the warm nothing that fills that moment and for an instant you are free.

Doubts

Think bumblebees...
not working cohesively in harmony for the good of the hive
but an individual bee captured in a mason jar,
shook up mercilessly until it is bruised and angry.

now think about two dozen bees
captured in the same mason jar and treated identically...

now imagine that the mason jar is your brain...

Doubts based in fear, insecurity and anxiety
are like those two dozen, dizzy, angry bees swirling around in your head
stinging and abusing your sanity.

Open the jar, release the bees.
Easier said than done, right?

Anxiety

It starts with a single ant
crawling down the length of your spine.
Keeping time
with your breaths,
deliberate, steady, calming
if not for the tickle of the single ant's journey
up and down your body.


Yet, where there is one ant there are many.
Shortly, they congregate en masse
across the expanse of your shoulders and back.
They travel up the nape of your neck
and along the breadth of your skull.
They play with every strand of hair,
slowly coaxing every nerve ending alive
with agonizing accuracy.


Calm gives way to the creepy, crawly sensation
slithering across your sanity,
giving birth to a shriek that bursts
from your very soul
and rattles your core in unending waves
of fear and shame.